“She lights up when you come in the room.” It didn’t matter that she thought I was Mom. My formerly gruff & undemonstrative grandmother was in her early 90’s and living in a skilled nursing facility with progressing Alzheimer’s. In the beginning of her residence there, Nora was still spry, and fascinated with wheelchairs and a particular male resident. When I could wrap my brain around accepting her new reality, I could see the humor and even joy in the behavior.

Soon enough I noticed she had a habit of sitting and rubbing the hem of her blouse. Mom said,

“Hmmm, she’s ironing.” Remembering Gomma’s gifts of dolls to preschool me, I wondered if she would enjoy having a doll to take care of. The next time I made the monthly four hour drive to visit, there was a well-rumpled, curly haired toddler doll on her bed. Mom smiled when she told me the doll turned out to be a great idea. Atta girl.

She hadn’t been verbal for a couple years when I came home one Christmas. The habit then was to come in at dinner time. I’d chat a little, feed her if she needed help, and then give her a hug and kiss goodbye before a CNA took her back to her room. 

On this particular day, I leaned over and breathed into her hair, “I love you, Gomma.” And very clearly she responded,“I love you, too.” 

Astounded, I waited a moment, looked at her face, and knew that was all. Yet it was enough. More than enough. The best Christmas present ever. I lit up as I left the room.

It never gets old to see the “lights come up” at a Gathering, especially when there are first time visitors. Self-described homebodies and introverts enjoy themselves. Joy bubbles up through atta-girls. Newcomers discover neighbors. Seekers find answers from women with experience. Reliance, cooperation and shared abundance make the room bright.

Kathy Boardman has always lived in the southern piedmont, listening to the nighttime cry of the Eastern Screech Owl. She is the Education Coordinator for the Wilkes County GA Chapter.

Reinventing herself once again, she camps off grid out of her custom-built cargo van, is learning to find wild food and medicine, and dreams of living cooperatively and aging well with other solo people in her beloved woods.